Bad Blogger....

**Don't know why this post was never...posted. Anyway, here it is....1 yr late :)**

I know, I'm failing miserably at this blogging thing. Everytime I sit down to blog, something else pops into my head that I could be doing or I decide that there isn't much to blog about that people would be interested in reading. So, I'm going to catch you up and then go empty the dishwasher!

As I blog, Nathan is supposed to be napping. Instead, he is roaring like a lion in his bed. He is absolutely a strong willed child. He has a scream that rattles your ear drums and enjoys watching your reaction while he does it. That poem that says something about, "and when he was good, he was very, very good and when he was bad, he was horrid" fits Nate quite well. He throws everything within reach, will scream if he doesn't get his way, loves to aggravate his sister, gets into everything, and when he is mad, he is MAD. Yet, he is quick to giggle, and give you a kiss. Nate will come crawling at high speed if you sit down and open your arms to him. His smile melts my heart. He is usually content to play by himself. No, he isn't walking yet, but he is pulling up and cruising more and more. He can be a cuddlebug when he is tired. I love my Naters. He signs (this isn't a complete list): more, no, yes, grapes, dog, cat, bird, please, thank you, daddy, mommy, sleep, drink, eat, motorcycle, car, horse, Papa, Nonnie, all done, shoes, and monkey, go, candy, leaf, tree, flower....He is one smart boy! In almost all of the picture I have of Nate, his lovee is present as well. This dog is his everything! I wash it all the time (thank goodness my washing machine has a sanitize feature!). The other morning, while I was washing it, he noticed it was missing. He sat on the floor and signed dog for a good 30 minutes before we took him for a car ride to distract him. It was a sad, sad, time.

Avery is a talker. She has lots of questions and will keep asking them until you answer her. I love watching her figure things out. She doesn't play by herself. Many days it feels like she is trying to re-enter my body. Sitting next to me (more like On me) on the couch, following me to the bathroom, saying"Mommy, sit with me" while she is eating. "What are you doing?" "What are you looking for?" "Why not?" "Where is it?" "Where are you going?" "Why?" "What happened?"...it never stops. Her conversations are priceless. She is strong willed too (seems to be a trend...) and we are trying to figure out the best way to parent her. Ave is such a lover and a great big sister. She refuses to start potty training. Not quite sure what to do about that one. Tonight at dinner her prayer was, "Dear God, thank you for our food (at this point, she stops to give me a nod.) Thank you for our family. Thank you for our friends. For My friends. My friends are far away (spreading her arms wide). Thank you for...(breaking into song) listening. God is listening, God is listening, when we pray, when we pray. Bow your head so quietly, close your eyes so tightly...Nay-Nate...Close Your Eyes!" At this point I was laughing so hard I didn't hear the rest of the prayer. Her comment this morning when I was getting her dressed, "Ugh..my pants are falling up." She is the Best big sister!

Halloween was fun. Ave was Dorothy and Nate was the Cowardly Lion. We did the usual. Trunk or Treat with the church and on Halloween night, we go to close friends and families houses.





Christmas was a great time to be with family. I love the Holidays but the days without routine get to me. HoHo brought Nate an alligagtor rocker and Ave a piano. HoHo also brought them a very loud flute. I don't know what he was thinking....

Under Construction: The Gray Area

How do you balance being a wife, mommy, manager, house cleaner, chef, friend, daughter, and laundromat without losing yourself??

I'm beginning to think that what my dad has been saying ALL my life may be true. It's about balance. Meaning I balance my friend time with my hubby time and my mommy time. I went on a BFF date this evening (and had a GREAT time!) and couldn't help feeling guilty that I wasn't there to put the kids to bed. I wasn't there to do our 'Thing' (in which we sit down, sing praise songs, talk about our prayer requests, and then have a chain prayer....sweet, sweet time). I haven't been on a date night in a while and deep down I know that spending a night away from them every once in a while is good for both parties involved. But, the guilt is still there. While I was screaming while watching a scary movie, I was missing the cuddling and hearing sweet voices singing praises to Him.

Another example: I needed to cook dinner but the kids seemed to Need me. I told myself that cooking dinner was important and let them play by themselves for awhile. Before I know it, Nate is screaming that Ave "Squeezed his arm like This (insert iron fist here)!!". Avery wanted Nathan to dance with her. She needed some attention (and a dance partner) while I was playing chef. Should I have been playing Prince or chef?

I liken this feeling to an exercise Sherri told me about. Imagine you are standing in the middle of 4 cones...each a bit far out of reach from your place in the center. Someone yells, "front-left!" and you run to touch that cone and run back to the middle. Now imagine all the responsibilities you have in your life, taped to various cones and spread around a baseball field. Someone yells, "Mommy time!" and you run to that cone, take care of the responsibility and run back to home plate. Then, "Laundry!" There and back. "Daughter time". Run! "Wife". "Grocery shop"...Whew! It's never ending!

Each cone is important but there are some more important than others. The Mommy cone is very important. As are the wife, friend, and daughter cones. The Chef cone can be put on the back burner (that's what delivery is for). The laundry cone becomes increasingly bigger the longer you ignore it. Same with the housekeeping cone.

In my anxious times I feel like all I am doing is running from cone to cone. In my peaceful times, the cones are sitting close together. All within arms reach. Sometimes, my cones move apart and I can't even reach them. Those are the times I feel as if I'm drowning....running without moving. It's in those times that I have to call out. I pray for peace. For the anxiousness to go away. For me to be SuperMom and for God to intercede. I also call out for my friends and family. My friends that are family. I couldn't get through without them. They come and move the cones closer. They take care of the cones that have me overwhelmed.

It's during those times that God gives me glimpses of what is important. Mainly, my children and their childhood. A random hug from Nathan or an "I love you, Mommy" from Avery. They are precious. Precious in my sight and in His. The things they do that lift my heart are innumerous. Their laughter, singing praise songs in the backseat, learning more about the world, playing together, giving me hugs and kisses, simply smiling when the cones are moving farther away. They get me through. My family gets me though. He gets me through.

I don't know where this post was going. But I felt the need to let others know....I feel overwhelmed, too. He can help us all.